One word: free.

Free samples on Wal-Mart.com are my new Internet obsession. Last week I received a day’s serving of cat food, tanning lotion, and anti-aging lotion. Yes, 19 years don’t result in a lot of aging, but it had no price!

Last week I saw Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears A Who! That day was very busy. I worked out, tutored for many hours, and was only stocked with five hours of sleep. The previous list of activities was only typed to prove that I had a right to fall asleep for eight minutes while Kangaroo rallied up the town. If it’s any consolation, I didn’t pay for the movie. A co-worker of my dad gave him a $20 gift book. Once again, it didn’t cost anything!

Am I cheap? No. Responsible? Heck yes, I am. The Wedding Planner was on TBS last night after (you knew it was coming) The Office and Sex and the City. Why does McConaughey continue to make movies that inadvertently stay on your screen the whole two hours?

It doesn’t become easier the more you do it.

That’s what she said. 

Moving, in a phrase, “sucks lollipops.” Yes, I am 58 years too young to say such a noun. I did not have what you would call a “spring break.” Only my sanity broke around day four.

Day 1: The family prepares to move for the eighth time. We’ve moved across a country, a county, and a couple of states. You’d think we would be the best.

Day 2: I begin with the closet. A mild task that included extremely sentimental toys from childhood. Extra markers and crayons erupted from said hood to bring the dilemma of figuring out who needed them most. I was obviously out of the magenta and sky blue picture, but a church ultimately won. The cage match was crazy.

Day 3: The first round of old clothes vs. new clothes is a graphic one. A black business top fiercely flicks a button into a Target clearance item, but is unsuccessful in the war. Despite being outnumbered 3 to 5, new clothes came out on top. I’m sad to say that one traitorous still-tagged hoodie clouded things a bit.

Day 4: Flip-flops are not the most accommodating footwear for moving bedside tables. While pushing the ugliest entertainment center in history, I get the bruise that still graces the front of my right ankle four days and 15 hours later.

Day 6: Our hound dog decides that someone should have a spring break and runs away from the new house.

Day 7: The dog returned.

A Tangled Web of Thoughts

I am extremely bored waiting for a tutee, so I’m going to type some sincerely random thoughts. No, this isn’t a forward, I’m just bored and hyper.

1. Paper should be more colorful in everyday life. Despite coupons from the newspaper and textbook covers, there are rarely cases of pigment in the deceased tree products.

2. If you drink something out of a coffee cup that is not coffee, what do you call it? “Mountain Dew Cup”?

3. What is cooler than a sphere? I mean, it is just awesome. Almost like you want to draw a smiley face on it. So… that’s what Wilson was!

4. I think wearing your school ID around your neck is a good thing. Especially if these promiscuous girls wear them and get a suntan around their neck with an inch-wide line. If I had that happen to me, I would probably still write my name on the card-shaped part, for the weekends.

5. What made Faulkner so popular? I can barely read his work as it is.

6. How hard would it be to use a computer without a mouse? It’s sad just to think about.

7. How many Law and Orders are there? Will Mariska Hartigay run for president, too?

8. Why would anybody buy a car the color of puke?

9. Why is a Chevrolet called “shevy” but Chevy Chase is pronounced “chev-y.”

10. Can an uroligist tell the difference between female and male pee? (I just watched the “Drug Testing” Office episode recently.)